[14:00] wdalphin: Well, apparently Hollywood thinks "retarded" simply means "has bad teeth".
[14:00] jakothewoods: I noticed that. That and "talks in a nasal voice"
[14:00] wdalphin: This would explain why Hollywood seems to think the entirety of England is retarded,
[14:00] jakothewoods: I also have noticed, not with just this movie, but with others, that retarded people always have one skill that they're remarkable at.
[14:01] jakothewoods: Well, to be fair, the entirety of England IS retarded.
[14:01] wdalphin: What exactly was Radio good at?
[14:01] jakothewoods: taking apart radios, I think.
[14:01] jakothewoods: although they didn't address it closely.
[14:01] wdalphin: I don't think taking something apart should be demed a "skill".
[14:02] jakothewoods: well, I mean, it's not like he threw it to the ground to take it apart - he did it delicately. That's skillful.
[14:02] wdalphin: Taking something apart, no matter how delicately, is not a skill, unles you can then put it back together again.
[14:03] jakothewoods: I think you're being picky on the retarded guy. I mean come on... he -is- retarded after all.
[14:03] jakothewoods: Assign skill where one can. It might be all he has.
[14:05] wdalphin: So... correct me if you think I'm wrong... but the point of the movie was that retarded people can get jobs as town mascots?
[14:05] wdalphin: There's a bag lady in Arlington I think would make a fabulous addition to our local football team. I think she has Tourette's.
[14:06] wdalphin: Hours of fun!
[14:06] jakothewoods: That did seem to be the case. That and "even if you're a stupid asshole jock, retarded people can make you see the light."
[14:06] wdalphin: Well that was the plot of the Karate Kid too, if I recall.
[14:07] wdalphin: As well as every Patrick Dempsey movie ever made.
[14:07] jakothewoods: I've never seen a Patrick Dempsey movie. :p
[14:07] wdalphin: We can rectify that.
[14:07] jakothewoods: Every Time Cuba GHooding Jr. came onto the screen though, all I could think was "Show him the money! Show him the money!"
[14:08] jakothewoods: I need to keep my big mouth shut.
[14:08] wdalphin: That's funny, I kept thinking, "if he were a horse, we woulda shot 'im by now."
[14:09] wdalphin: Remember, it doesn't matter how much you neglect your family, as long as you devote all that neglected time to caring for a handicapped minority.
[14:09] jakothewoods: I thought it was interesting that the football players were experimenting with duct-tape bondage on a retarded man. Sounds like a whole 'nother movie all on its own.
[14:10] wdalphin: At least when the coach found him his pants were still on... not like LATER...
[14:11] jakothewoods: Yeah, I thought that his relationship with his daughter was awfully easy. I mean, come on, one story about a chicken-cooped up kid when you were young, and she's willing to forgive all those lost hours? That's a bit too understanding for a late teen girl. She shoulda been all about her, but instead she's this nice, understanding young lady. no one's like that.
[14:11] wdalphin: Seriously, that coach seemed just a little bit TOO interested in the local retarded weirdo... the wistful glances in his direction as he wheeled by with his baskart...
[14:11] wdalphin: Especially cheerleaders.
[14:12] jakothewoods: Hehehehe... I giggled when he phoned them to ask which pants to wear. And I have to admit, I got a bit choked up when they arrested him later for giving away his christmas gifts.
[14:12] wdalphin: The arrest scene was like the one moment of racial injustice in the entire movie, which I was grateful for. I'm glad they kept it to that instead of making the movie about him not only be retarded, but retarded and black.
[14:13] jakothewoods: I gotta say... I like Ed Harris though. He just seems like a nice, quiet guy. You know they say that actors play parts completely unlike themselves though, so he's probably some drunk-wife beater.
[14:14] jakothewoods: Yeah, I was appreciative of them keeping the "racial" thing out of the movie myself.
[14:14] jakothewoods: it would have been totally different if they'd made it about that.
[14:14] wdalphin: You obviously haven't seen A History of Violence.
[14:15] jakothewoods: I haven't. He play something else in that/
[14:15] jakothewoods: ?
[14:15] wdalphin: He plays a calm, quiet, evil man.
[14:15] wdalphin: Say, does this mean that Keanu Reeves is actually a Rhodes Scholar?
[14:16] jakothewoods: I think he has a PhD from MIT.
[14:16] wdalphin: Yeah, in "rockin' out"
[14:17] jakothewoods: Is that a movie? I don't know that one either.
[14:17] wdalphin: No, he's got a PhD in Rockin' Out.
[14:17] wdalphin: ugh
[14:17] jakothewoods: Oh, I see. Haha. Sorry, I'm dense today. I'm feeling kinda nauseated, actually.
[14:17] wdalphin: I hereby reclaim your Master's in Wit.
[14:18] jakothewoods: have you seen Hostel?
[14:18] jakothewoods: update! Exterminator City is shipping Tuesday! :)
[14:19] jakothewoods: I'll be able to chat wif you about it on Friday, probably.
[14:19] wdalphin: Is this related to Radio? Because I know what Hostel is, and if it somehow relates to Radio, I am intrigued. Intrigued, but wary.
[14:21] jakothewoods: getting back on track about Radio though... No, Hostel isn't related to Radio, I was just curious. :p Radio - I thought it was a decent movie - well made, touchy-feely, kinda teary-jerky in spots, all about the love of humans... all packaged up in a retarded guy with a love for sports. I really didn't have a whole lot to pick apart on this movie with. I had a couple evil thoughts that I refuse to print here, because then I'd just be villifying myself for the sake of the review.
[14:22] wdalphin: Hey, say what you like, I don't judge... people.
[14:23] jakothewoods: Well, I was just gonna say... you know that scene-montage where he's first becmoing involved with the football team, and he gets beaned in the head with the football?
[14:23] wdalphin: I felt that it was cliched on multiple levels, rounded off by people that seemed too perfect, and a pointless plot.
[14:23] wdalphin: Yeah, I know the scene.
[14:24] jakothewoods: When he got beaned, my first thought was "Hey, maybe that'll knock some smarts into him!"
[14:24] wdalphin: That's not offensive.
[14:24] wdalphin: He was not a smart person.
[14:25] jakothewoods: And then I said it. And Steph told me I was a horrible person, and that they were going to put me in the level of hell with Celine Dion and Jerry Springer, which they reserve for people who make fun of handicapped people.
[14:28] wdalphin: I make fun of handicapped people all the time.
[14:28] wdalphin: They're easier to run away from, and most of the time, they don't get it anyway.
[14:29] wdalphin: Plus, if you can evade them for more than five minutes, they tend to either forget and shamble off, or get winded.
[14:29] wdalphin: Or the batteries on their electric wheelchair run out.
[14:29] jakothewoods: You have a point there. I'll mention those to Steph. It's safer. :)
[14:30] jakothewoods: I'm not feeling smart today. :(
[14:30] jakothewoods: I have no funniness to spread to our readers. I'm letting everyone down.
[14:30] jakothewoods: *weeps*
[14:30] wdalphin: We're not here to be funny... don't struggle... just talk about the movie, sheesh.
[14:30] jakothewoods: I did have some good peanut butter cookies though. that made things happier, a little.
[14:30] wdalphin: There you go.
[14:30] jakothewoods: I like peanut butter.
[14:31] wdalphin: Good for you, Radio.
[14:31] jakothewoods: And Cuba Gooding Jr.
[14:31] wdalphin: You like to slather peanut butter on Cuba Gooding Jr.?
[14:31] jakothewoods: hell, Cuba Gooding Jr. and peanut butter together is like... like...
[14:31] wdalphin: hmmm...
[14:31] jakothewoods: Oh god, no! Visions of Bloodsucking Pharaohs in Pittsburg!
[14:31] wdalphin: peanut butter and chocolate.
[14:32] jakothewoods: yow, you know, it didn't even occur to me to say something like that. There's this little evil meter in your head, isn't there, and you know just how and what to say to make people flinch...
[14:32] jakothewoods: *FLINCHFLINCH*
[14:32] wdalphin: Do I?
[14:32] wdalphin: Did you flinch?
[14:32] jakothewoods: apparently. It must be one of Leonard's jobs.
[14:33] jakothewoods: hell yes. I flinched so hard my chair scooted backwards a foot and the other students in the computer lab all looked at me, and then pointed and laughed.
[14:33] wdalphin: That would suggest that they had lowered their hands from their non-stop pointing and laughing at you.
[14:34] wdalphin: LIES!
[14:34] jakothewoods: people don't point and laugh at me always...
[14:35] wdalphin: I think we should return the discussion of your desire to turn CJJ into your own personal reverse Reese's Pieces.
[14:35] wdalphin: How long has this hunger filled you?
[14:35] jakothewoods: Ever since "What Dreams May Come."
[14:35] jakothewoods: Which, if you ask me, is the perfect title for a porn movie, without any changes whatsoever.
[14:36] wdalphin: Negatory.
[14:37] wdalphin: "Log Jammed" is the perfect title for a porn movie, without any changes whatsoever.
[14:37] jakothewoods: isn't that already the title for a porn movie?
[14:37] jakothewoods: and I thought it was "Log Jammin'"
[14:37] wdalphin: Actually, it's the title of a Woody Woodpecker cartoon.
[14:37] wdalphin: Which itself sounds like porn.
[14:38] jakothewoods: haha, so many levels to work on there...
[14:38] wdalphin: You work those levels, big boy.
[14:38] wdalphin: Get Cuba Gooding Jr. to "show you the money"
[14:38] jakothewoods: I just like him dead and passive.
[14:39] wdalphin: typically, one of those adjectives denotes the other, I think.
[14:39] wdalphin: Except in the case of zombies.
[14:40] jakothewoods: well, yeah, but zombies are passive around me too. They're on the move for Braaaaaaaaaiiiiins and mine are mostly boozed out anyway.
[14:40] wdalphin: You can name your first child Radio.
[14:41] jakothewoods: Actually, if it's a boy, it's gonna be "telephone."
[14:41] jakothewoods: Seriously.
[14:41] jakothewoods: And if it's a girl, it's gonna be "Inertia."
[14:41] wdalphin: Yes yes, I remember.
[14:41] jakothewoods: I'm fond of those names
[14:42] jakothewoods: they were good enough when I was seven.
[14:42] jakothewoods: They're good enough now.
[14:42] wdalphin: "Inertia" of course referring to the cause of her conception.
[14:42] wdalphin: "Daddy, why did you name me Inertia?" "Well, you see honey, I started hugging your mother one day, but I just kept going."
[14:42] jakothewoods: of course, if she's inertia, we'll have to barrier.
[14:43] jakothewoods: that would be momentum, Dude. Inertia is the inability to get started.
[14:43] wdalphin: negatory.
[14:44] wdalphin: inertia is the property of matter to either stay at rest or in motion unless acted upon by an outside force.
[14:45] wdalphin: momentum is the property of matter that determines the amount of force required to bring it to rest.
[14:45] jakothewoods: In physics, yes, but the second and more common usage is:
Resistance or disinclination to motion, action, or change.
[14:45] wdalphin: So what you're saying is that I'm right.
[14:46] jakothewoods: And momentum is:
Impetus of a physical object in motion.
[14:46] jakothewoods: No, I'm saying that you're being semantically anal.
[14:46] wdalphin: No, YOU are being semantically anal. I simply used a less commonly used definition of a word.
[14:47] jakothewoods: The common man, of whom I think I count as one, tends to think in terms of Inertia being an initial resistance to motion, and momentum being an initial resistance to slowing.
[14:47] wdalphin: That's well and fine, but simply because there is a more common definition of a word does not negate the value of its other definitions.
[14:47] jakothewoods: perhaps I ought to strive to be more than the common man.
[14:48] wdalphin: Or are you suggesting that we must only acknowledge the word "right" as its most common usage?
[14:49] wdalphin: this is all very silly.
[14:49] jakothewoods: No, but we must make concessions for it's most common usage. I understand (because I'm am not particularly physics-savvy) inertia as being a disinclination to get moving. Thus, when you say that my naming my daughter inertia due to the opposite property (disinclination to QUIT) moving) it confuses me. What I'm saying is that I'm the lowest common denominator in this little duo, my fine feathered friend, and you's gotta talk dumb to me.
[14:50] jakothewoods: *plucks an apostraphe from his last sentence*
[14:51] wdalphin: except that the term you insisted I should have used did not accurately describe what I was going for. Momentum is not the inability to stop, but the amount of force required to stop. Momentum did not cause you to "keep going"... inertia did.
[14:52] jakothewoods: That's because I understand momentum to be the opposite of inertia - that is, inertia don't start, momentum don't stop. because I don't know any better. Besides, dictionary.com describes momentum as a measure of the motion of the body equal to the product of its mass and velocity, not a measure of the force necessary to stop said mass and velocity.
[14:53] wdalphin: dude, what do you think is meant by the term "measure".
[14:53] wdalphin: measurements require units.
[14:53] jakothewoods: I had an interesting discussion on quantum physics with my math teacher today. And then we started talking about Daffy Duck. I forget how we got onto Daffy Duck, but I was much more comfortable with it than the quantum physics.
[14:53] jakothewoods: DID YOU JUST CALL ME A "UNIT"?
[14:54] wdalphin: You are a moon unit.
[14:54] wdalphin: You have left orbit.
[14:54] jakothewoods: But I still have my balls! :(
[14:54] wdalphin: Ground control to Maj. Tom
[14:54] jakothewoods: I'm not a unit.
[14:54] wdalphin: BAIL OUT!
[14:55] jakothewoods: so, regardless of the fact that I'm going to watch Exterminator City this week, and we'll talk about it on Friday (I hope) what is our next movie that we're going to watch? And what do you give Radio? I give it 3 stars. I hate football/sports movies.
[14:56] wdalphin: 2 stars. It wasn't shit, but I didn't like it.
[14:56] jakothewoods: yeah, but you gotta give an extra star for the 'tarded guy.
[14:56] wdalphin: I'm going to subject you to Uwe Boll this week, just because I can.
[14:56] wdalphin: That IS with an extra star for the 'tarded guy.
[14:56] wdalphin: There have been better retarded guys in the history of movies.
[14:56] wdalphin: and television.
[14:57] jakothewoods: I've already seen Alone in The Dark. You can't make me watch it again, that would be cruel.
[14:57] wdalphin: For example, Sean Penn in I Am Sam, Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump, Billy Bob Thorton in Sling Blade, Larry Drake in L.A. Law, and Chris Burke in Life Goes On.
[14:57] jakothewoods: Chris Burke IS retarded.
[14:57] wdalphin: All of whom won awards for playing retarded people.
[14:58] wdalphin: It's true, Chris Burke was the best of the bunch.
[14:58] jakothewoods: You play what you know, I guess.
[14:58] wdalphin: He had retarded nuances down to a science, if there was such a thing as retarded science.
[14:58] wdalphin: Perhaps chemistry.
[14:59] jakothewoods: So Are we going to watch Barschel - Mord in Genf? or Das Erste Semester?
[14:59] wdalphin: But I digress. We will watch Bloodrayne.
[14:59] jakothewoods: Oooo. Dhampirs. Steph will be happy. :)
[14:59] wdalphin: Meatloaf, again?
[15:00] wdalphin: Really, I just want to listen for the sound of Sir Ben Kingsley flushing his Oscar down the toilet.
[15:01] jakothewoods: How the hell does Ben Kingsley go from Ghandi to working with Uwe Boll?
[15:01] jakothewoods: Hey, this has got the T3 chick in it. :)
[15:01] wdalphin: Maybe he's studying to play a retarded character himself.
[15:02] wdalphin: Yes, it has got the T3 chick in it. The one who is not Claire Danes.
[15:02] jakothewoods: I see it also has Billy Zane in it. Nice to see him bringing himself up from such movies as Demon Knight.
[15:02] jakothewoods: Claire Danes is a chick?
[15:03] jakothewoods: I thoguht she was a really skinny, somewhat effete boy.
[15:03] wdalphin: WHOA
[15:03] wdalphin: WHOA
[15:03] wdalphin: HOLD UP
[15:03] wdalphin: WHAT
[15:03] wdalphin: THE
[15:03] wdalphin: FUCK
[15:03] wdalphin: Did you just insult Demon Knight?
[15:03] jakothewoods: Claire Danes = skanky chick from MY So-Called Life, yeah?
[15:03] jakothewoods: Oh, haha. I thoguht you were getting on my case about Claire Danes.
[15:04] jakothewoods: I
[15:04] wdalphin: fuck Claire Danes, did you just diss Billy Zane in Demon Knight????
[15:04] jakothewoods: CANNOT
[15:04] jakothewoods: SPELL
[15:04] jakothewoods: "THOUGHT"
[15:04] wdalphin: BILLY ZANE *MADE* DEMON KNIGHT.
[15:04] wdalphin: He was the only reason to watch it.
[15:04] jakothewoods: Anything that has the cryptkeeper in it needs to be reviewed for suckage
[15:04] wdalphin: I saw Demon Knight in the movie theater.
[15:04] jakothewoods: wow, that doesn't say much for your judgement amigo.
[15:05] wdalphin: And I fell in love with Billy Zane.
[15:05] jakothewoods: speaking of which, have you seen The Da Vinci Code yet?
[15:05] wdalphin: You could have made fun of him playing The Phantom... but not for his role in Demon Knight.
[15:05] wdalphin: Yeah, I saw it Saturday.
[15:05] jakothewoods: The Phantom? What Phantom?
[15:05] wdalphin: The Phantom.
[15:05] wdalphin: THE Phantom.
[15:05] jakothewoods: in the movie "The Phantom"?
[15:06] wdalphin: Dresses in purple, wears a mask and skulls... rides horses through the jungle?
[15:06] wdalphin: Yes, that Phantom.
[15:06] jakothewoods: I thought that was Alec Baldwin
[15:06] wdalphin: WTF
[15:06] wdalphin: Alec Baldwin was The Shadow, nimrod.
[15:06] jakothewoods: holy shit, wow, was I off.
[15:06] jakothewoods: Of course, it's more in Alec Baldwin's line of work.
[15:06] jakothewoods: right. Shadow. Phantom. It's all the same to me.
[15:07] wdalphin: *sigh*
[15:07] jakothewoods: Catherine Zeta-Jones and Kristy Swanson were both in The Phantom also, btw.
[15:07] wdalphin: It's easy to remember...
[15:07] wdalphin: The Shadow knows... The Phantom blows.
[15:07] jakothewoods: That would be Mrs. Zorro and The original Buffy.
[15:09] wdalphin: Mrs. Zorro... I wonder how she signs the bills?
[15:09] jakothewoods: With a pen, I expect.
[15:09] wdalphin: With a pen knife.
[15:09] jakothewoods: *musical sting*
[15:09] wdalphin: You mean the British guy?
[15:09] jakothewoods: Not a bad actor, he.
[15:10] wdalphin: He made a good Feyd-Rautha.
[15:11] jakothewoods: I liked him in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and he didn't even have a big part in that.
[15:11] jakothewoods: Yeah, well, The original Dune movie was incredible all-around. We won't even go there
[15:11] wdalphin: Yes, let's not.

Conclusion:
Jak: ***
Wil: **